SORRY I'M LATE

Well, once again I have let The Diner fall by the wayside. We went to my parents this weekend, so I didn’t post, not that I couldn’t have posted on Sunday. As for Monday and Tuesday, let’s just say I worked a lot and was lazy a lot.

There’s lot to talk about, Kerry sealing the nomination, gay marriages everywhere, an Iraqi constitution, senior citizens rampaging over lettuce, 5 year-olds getting Studebakers, horrible kite incidents in Pakistan…

What Studebakers? Lettuce? Kites? What are you talking about, fat boy?

Well, let’s take those one at a time. As many of you know, I have a 1960 Studebaker Hawk. I come from a Studebaker family – meaning we are lousy with Studebakers. And this weekend, while we were at my family’s, I told them that we were going to sell my Studebaker. Now, my 5 year old daughter hadn’t heard anything of it before and started crying. “NO!! DON’T SELL THE NOODLEBAKER!!!” climbed into my lap and started to cry. This, of course, got my mother crying and inspired my father to say to her, “Do you want us to give you one of ours?” At which, Katie said, “Yes.” So, my dad took her out into the garage and showed her Katie's new 1963 Studebaker GT Hawk. Only in my family is there enough Studebakers to give an upset five year old a Studebaker.

Secondly, it seems one of the youngsters at the Spring Haven Retirement Community (only 62 years old) attacked other seniors because they objected to his salad treatment, oh, read it for yourself…

A brawl at the salad bar at Spring Haven Retirement Community sent three senior citizens to Winter Haven Hospital Sunday.

Administrators say a 62-year-old resident who threw the first punch will leave the senior residence. All participants waived criminal action in the incident. No serious injuries were reported.

"This is the first time in 25 years I've ever heard of something like this happening," said a shaken Jill Andrew, Spring Haven spokeswoman.

According to police, the battle erupted after fellow diners accused the man of foraging among the lettuce leaves on the salad bar. Words were exchanged leading to the ballroom boxing match. Witnesses say the man punched an 86-year-old accuser in the face and bit a 78-year-old resident on the right arm.

The man's 80-plus-year-old mother told police that her son, "only likes a certain kind of lettuce." Others accused him of playing with the salad greens while inspecting the crop. His mom conceded, "that it did appear that he was playing with
the food."

She was slightly injured trying to help her son during the struggle, police said.

The lettuce lecture was actually the last straw in a lengthy history of bad blood, Andrew said. At least one resident was injured when he was knocked to the ground by diners fleeing the battleground, according to police.

I’ve always heard your kids come back home, but living with our 80-something mother? Kids now-a-days.

And it seems a kite festival went all wrong in Pakistan…AGAIN. I mean, how can KITES lead to seven deaths?

Well, when you’re not that bright, anything can happen. It seems these geniuses try to bring down other kites during this, so they have begun to use metal wire lines. And what happens when you mix high testosterone, low intelligence, hundreds of feet of metal wire and power lines. Yeah. Read all about that here, including garroting and running in the road – no kidding.